Draft 29 – Updated 29 AUGUST 2026 (C003/D029)
Autumn stepped into the stirrup and swung his leg over the saddle. If things took a turn at the church, he would be in the middle of the mess.
The overseer himself wasn’t particularly deadly, but his bodyguard was armed with a frontier knife and would kill to protect his boss if he had to.
Autumn trusted that Hunter was a good shot. But for at least a few moments, it would be two-on-one and Autumn, unarmed, would be face to face with sharp steel.
The small eladrin was much younger than Hunter. He had less experience with the ungodly noise of human settlements and did not, in the least, care for it. How a species so practically deaf could accomplish so much absolutely baffled him.
Individually, he had some sympathy for humans. Collectively, he found them difficult and offensive.
Always, with these people, there was something. Today … it was coughing. If they couldn’t hear it, they were impaired. If they were ignoring it, they were heartless. Children were rare in The Wood. They were precious. But humans seemed to take theirs for granted. They were always coughing, their noses were always running, and nobody seemed to bother about it.
Autumn knew his assignment. He understood every detail of Hunter’s meticulous plan. He knew that straying from the plan could be fatal, but he also knew that, as the one in the middle, the person in greatest danger, he had the power to make changes.
As his pony approached the group assembled on the steps of the church, the overseer’s back was toward him. The young deputy guarding his back, faced into the square.
Autumn’s team was expecting him to stop and engage their target, but, at the last moment, Autumn tweaked the plan.
For me personally, I would prefer sticking here, still, with Hunter’s perspective – if that is the main POV. I would prefer Hunter glancing at Autumn, having a flicker of doubt about him sticking to the plan, etc. I would prefer Autumn’s introduction to happen after what I assume will be the big action scene, once the team reconvenes (I’m presuming something went wrong because of Autumn’s brash decision…). Then you can give these Autumn thoughts when Hunter confronts him for not following the plan; then Autumn can spell out how he sees humans. Then, it’s relevant, right now, I’m not sure how it adds to the flow of the scene
Summary:
POV – The Eladrin (Autumn)
• Objective-To ‘engage their target’. Autumn’s objective isn’t stated until the last sentence, which is unusual.
• Obstacles-These are stated ‘up front’: middle of the mess, two on one, facing steel…
• Outcome-still cliff hanging.
• Is this scene moving the plot forward? Yes, but barely. We have a hint of the plan based upon Autumns objective.
• Is this scene building the world? Definitely. We learn how Autumn is different from Hunter in experience with humans, and how humans affect Autumn, an eladrin elf. We see a term, ‘The Wood’, which isn’t explained. We get Autumn’s opinions of humans, which shapes his character, but can also be assumed to represent a common view found in some elves.
• Is this scene demonstrating internal character? Definitely: Autumn shows compassion, the first in this novel to do so. Hunter is more curious than anything, but has a job to do, and The Overseer is all business.
• Is this scene demonstrating external character change? No.
Notes:
No real comments on the 300 odd words here. The second to last paragraph read slightly oddly to me, but on re-read, nothing popped out.