Draft 30 – Updated 22 SEPTEMBER2026 (C002/D030)
The coffle’s overseer, knowing exactly what he was looking for, got straight to business. His boss, the governor, had very specific tastes and had equipped him with detailed sketches. Satisfying those desires was the overseer’s highest priority.
As the butcher’s plump wife reached the steps before the church, the front doors swung open. The soft-spoken minister and his genial wife led the set-asides out and organized them from tallest to smallest. The coffle master scrutinized the line.
Young, pretty with high cheekbones, a diamond-shaped face, and a small, upturned nose. The treaty that paused the war made it illegal to enslave non-human races. But there was nothing in the ceasefire about human slaves who looked like fiendlings, so the governor had learned to make do.
Beyond that, there was the commercial trade to consider. So the overseer also had an eye out for merchandise that would move quickly in the slave markets. Ten-year-old boys. Nine-year-old girls. Healthy. Dark of hair with good teeth and clear skin.
“This one,” said the overseer, prying a girl’s mouth open and shoving a gloved thumb in to examine her teeth. “How old?”
“Nine-years, Master,” replied the clergyman. “She is trained in kitchen service primarily. But can—”
“She’s skinny as a quirt,” he interrupted, shoving the gagging child back into line. “Don’t we pay you to feed ‘em?”
“Our governor is a most generous benefactor,” the preacher bowed his head to demonstrate his gratitude. “And the town provides more than enough food to the orphanage. But not all cows produce equal milk, Overseer. At this age, some grow tall before they grow thick.”
“Hmmmm,” said the slaver, pressing his lips together while looking up and down the line, his hand resting on the whip at his waist. He could take four from each town. This was the last town on his route.
Summary:
• No change from prior read to OOO, PoV, plot movement or character change
Notes:
He could take four from each town. This is new, and begs the question: what happens to the ones not taken? Is that how the smith and others get slaves?
This was the last town on his route. This line sticks out. No transition into, no transition out of.