Draft 30 – Updated 22 SEPTEMBER 2026 (C005/D030)
The overseer, sensing the sudden tension of the townspeople facing him, turned slowly around to behold a small eladrin with a large moustache sitting on a mountain pony next to his lead wagon.
“Oh, honey,” he heard the elf coo into the first wagon holding slaves. “Are you feeling poorly?”
A collared child nodded, her eyes welling with tears as she did.
The eladrin turned a little in his saddle towards him. The young man guarding him stepped forward to intervene, but the overseer put a hand to hold him back.
“Excuse me, sir,” the ginger eladrin spoke. “I’m afraid this child’s poorly.”
The overseer hesitated. There were so many ways he might respond, but none of them seemed exactly right.
“You’re an eladrin,” he observed.
“I am.”
“And you’re a healer?”
The elf smiled, extending a dainty hand. “Folks call me Autumn—”
“I didn’t ask your name.” The overseer glared. “I asked if you’re a healer.”
“I am a healer, sir,” Autumn replied, withdrawing his hand and turning off his smile.
The overseer paused, studying the ginger elf, wondering if this was a ploy. He searched Autumn’s eyes for any hint of a lie, but found none.
“This kind of cough spreads like wildfire,” Autumn volunteered softly. “If this child ain’t treated today, I promise you the rest’ll have it tomorrow.”
The overseer knew the savage was right. He cringed at the thought of delivering slaves to the Shadows only to have them die a few days later.
“How much?” he asked.
“That depends,” Autumn replied. “I can cure her proper. That’ll cost three silver and take half a day. Or … for one silver … I can give her some medicine. If it ain’t set in yet, it’ll stop it for a day or two. But if it’s already took hold … it won’t do much.”
The overseer heard Autumn’s price and relaxed. Healers in the haff-land performed an essential service, but none of them did it for free. Autumn, his instincts told him, was exactly what he seemed to be.
“I’ll give you ten for the bunch,” he countered. “If you got enough for all of em.”
The healer frowned as he counted the children in the wagons and then nodded. “I believe I do, sir,” Autumn replied cheerfully, climbing down from his horse and reaching into his saddlebags.
The young bodyguard’s long frontier knife flashed from his sheath the moment the healer’s hand disappeared inside the saddlebag. But the healer didn’t seem to notice and the overseer laid a hand on the young man’s shoulder.
From the saddlebag, the small man withdrew a canteen, a small bowl, and a burlap bundle. He set them both on the ground and then sat cross legged in the dust of the square.
The overseer suppressed a smile. He hated this part of his job—traveling from town to town, playing a role, collecting tribute, placing children in bondage. It was a dreary way to repay his loans and put off his turn on the wheel.
But this … was an amusing distraction. Until today, he had never met an autumn eladrin. And this one, his first, was at once fearless, oblivious, and entertaining.
The tiny ginger counted out fifteen holly leaves and placed them into his bowl. He recited a short incantation to create a tiny flame, which he placed delicately amongst the leaves in the bowl. In a few moments, they smoked, turning instantly into ash.
Reaching into a pocket inside his shirt, he withdrew a small pouch from which he added a handful of dried blueberries. From another pocket, he produced a small wooden pestle, which he used to crush them. As he did this, he recited another incantation, this one in a comical singsong language that nobody understood but made the children giggle.
“Keep an eye on the healer,” the overseer instructed his young bodyguard, who was resheathing his knife. Then he turned his back on the medicine show and finished his business with the clergyman, the butcher’s wife, and the rest of Three Mills’ town council.
Summary:
• POV – Overseer.
• Objective-Complete his transaction and get out of town, preferably with the types of goods that his boss prefers.
• Obstacles-Child is sick; even if he gets past the town, his charges might end up in trouble. Funny how a healer just magically shows up at the right time, eh?
• Outcome-Unclear. He pays for something. Mitigation or cure? Assumed: mitigation, once we learn that there are 15 children. So he doesn’t overcome the obstacle, he punts it down the road.
• Is this scene moving the plot forward? Yes
• Is this scene building the world? Yes, especially regarding the eladrin
• Is this scene demonstrating internal character? no
• Is this scene demonstrating external character change? no
Notes:
A collared child nodded, her eyes welling with tears
as she did.“I’ll give you ten for the bunch,” he countered. “If you got enough for all of em.” Not completely clear what the 10 buys, first, because we don’t know how many children are in the coffle, and second, the overseer doesn’t specifically saw what he’s buying, and no haggling occurs.
He set them both on the ground and then sat cross legged in the dust of the square. might look at switching out either set or sat.
The overseer suppressed a smile. He hated this part of his job—Suppressed a smile? The following sentences seem to fit a grimace better than a smile.
But this … was an amusing distraction. ok, tiny delay in payoff
The tiny ginger counted out fifteen holly leaves Ok, we have a coffle size. Side note: tiny is relative. For me, from a human’s perspective, I think squirrel or mouse when I think tiny. I have no idea how big Autumn is, nor Hunter for that matter.
Then he turned his back on the medicine show and finished his business finished or continued?
As usual, I comment two chapters due to their limited size:-
– “The young man guarding him”: after so many descriptions, the exact position and identity of this young man is not very clear at this point. Maybe it would have needed some characterisation so that it would have stuck to the mind.
– “but none of them seemed exactly right… I didn’t ask your name”: the imperious/cocky tone of the overseer is in slight contrast with his initial embarrassment.
– “Folks call me Autumn”: eladrin’s lines are perfectly in tune
– “it’ll stop it for a day or two”: this seems almost a physician’s assessment and it is slightly off wrt the ancient idea that medicine either works and cures the disease or not.
– “He hated this part of his job”: here it is not clear which part of his job he’s hinting at. The unexpected delay? The children getting sick?
– “but made the children giggle”: given the situation, with those terrible shackles, the mirth of children is a bit unexpected but maybe it gives a true picture of how little children are.
This is a continuation of the situation of the previous chapter, but it is not resolutive, so there is some dilution of tension. Autumn comes out like a truly heroic character, brave and confident in his ways.