Draft 2 – 29 June 2025 (C004/D002)
Hunter approached the entangled gnolls with no misconceptions. Gnolls can speak, but they are animals notwithstanding.
Driven by bloodlust, gnolls are permanently at war with every species around them. And whether they raid a town or a village or a camp or a school, there are never any survivors. There are never prisoners. Only meat for their pack.
Apart from some warning growls as Hunter circled them, the surviving gnolls seemed to have dropped out of bloodlust. This was good. Gnolls are not easy to talk to when they are calm. Talking to them when they are raging is impossible.
Hunter calculated the direction of the breeze and stopped on the upwind side of the pack. Moving in close, he opened his mouth and exhaled, allowing his limited scent to wash over them. Their noses flared involuntarily as their brains took in the information. Hunter’s interest was in the pack leader alone. He hoped his scent would provoke a memory.
“Pack leader,” Hunter said, addressing the strongest of the group. “Grrrrbu̇f,” he said, addressing him by name. “Grrrrbu̇f Pack far from White Mountain. Why come this place?”
Grrrrbu̇f was panting, as were they all. The adrenaline was wearing off and their systems were crashing. “Grrrrbu̇f slaved,” the pack leader growled. “Pack slaved. Brought this place. Far from from White Mountain.”
Hunter pondered Grrrrbu̇f’s words. “Who slaved Grrrrbu̇f?” he asked.
“You pack slave Grrrrbu̇f.”
Hunter considered the information for a few moments, then addressed the pack in the traditional way.
“Pack Leader Grrrrbu̇f. Strong leader. Many kills this night. Much meat for pack. Meat for pups. Many bones. Strong victory.”
Grrrrbu̇f inhaled deeply, puffed out his chest and let out a demonic growl. “Release pack now,” he roared at Hunter.
“Soon,” Hunter promised. “We go. Then Grrrrbu̇f pack go. Keep all meat. Keep all things. Strong victory.”
Hunter walked back to the camp, passing the shackled corpses as he approached the fire.
“Did you get them all?” he asked Scout, nodding toward the pile of corpses around the coffle chain.
“All but one,” she replied.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “Other one’s in the river.”
“Should I get it?” she offered.
“Naw. Too risky. How are the kits?” he turned to Autumn.
Autumn shrugged. “Alive. Confused. Terrified.”
Hunter paused for a moment considering what to do next. At no point had he considered the possibility that this hunt would end with him being responsible for children. Obviously, he wasn’t going to let the gnolls have them. He also wouldn’t take them to The Shadows. Nor could he take them back to Old Mill.
“You’re just gonna let those animals eat the dead?” LT demanded.
“I think we needa let that happen,” Hunter said grimly. “Gotta look like there were no survivors.”
LT appeared to appreciate the logic of Hunter’s unfolding plan. It was a repulsive notion, but it was probably the right one.
“What about the horses?” LT asked.
“Gonna to have to leave them, too,” Hunter responded.
“And let the gnolls eat them?”
“Gnolls ain’t eat horses… less they starving.”
Once again, LT paused to process the information then moved on.
“Wait a minute,” said LT, stopping. “What am I going to ride?”
“Dead men don’t ride horses,” Hunter said over his shoulder.
Also a good point. LT had to allow that one, too. Right now, dead was better than alive.
“There’s a village up the hill. Abandoned. But they’s some buildings still standin.” Hunter said to his daughter, “Take as much grub as you can carry. Hide these kits.” Then lowering his voice and nodding in LT’s direction he added: “Make sure he gets some rest.”
“Sure,” she agreed, understanding the instruction.
“Can you cover their tracks?” Hunter asked Autumn.
“Much as I can,” the druid replied.
“Do your best to slow them down,” Hunter said, understanding the limitations of Autumn’s magic. “Day after tomorra, they be lookin.”
“Hunter approached the entangled gnolls with no misconceptions. Gnolls can speak, but they are animals notwithstanding.
Driven by bloodlust, gnolls are permanently at war with every species around them. And whether they raid a town or a village or a camp or a school, there are never any survivors. There are never prisoners. Only meat for their pack.”
I get a sense of who the gnolls are, but this almost feels like a history lesson on gnolls. What are they doing as Hunter draws near? Does he react to the sounds they make? What kind of sounds do they make? Are they watching him or are they staring at the remnants of the dead?
“Pack leader,” Hunter said, addressing the strongest of the group. “Grrrrbu̇f,” he said, addressing him by name. “Grrrrbu̇f Pack far from White Mountain. Why come this place?”
I’m not sure if this is supposed to be funny but it made me laugh out loud! I guess Hunter speaks gnoll-ese.
“Hunter walked back to the camp, passing the shackled corpses as he approached the fire.”
That dialogue flew by. I feel like I was just getting into it, and then Hunter leaves the pack of gnolls. This would be a great opportunity to flesh out this scene. What are the other gnolls doing as Hunter and the pack leader converse. Are they threatening him? Are they taking a step back in submission because their leader is in command? What are they doing?
“LT appeared to appreciate the logic of Hunter’s unfolding plan. It was a repulsive notion, but it was probably the right one.”
How’s LT showing appreciation and repulsion? Are Hunter and LT staring at the bodies. Are they turning away in disgust? What do the corpses look like? I want to feel the emotions they’re going through: the shock, the horror, etc.
“There’s a village up the hill. Abandoned. But they’s some buildings still standin.” Hunter said to his daughter, “Take as much grub as you can carry. Hide these kits.” Then lowering his voice and nodding in LT’s direction he added: “Make sure he gets some rest.”
I know you established that Scout is Hunter’s daughter in the very first chapter, but I still don’t really get much of a father-daughter dynamic. He gives her a command, but I don’t get any reaction from either one of them. Maybe they’ve both become hardened over the years with their line of work, but I imagine there would be more emotional stakes. I want to know more about their backstories, their personalities, their family dynamics, not just with each other but with other family members.
“Do your best to slow them down,” Hunter said, understanding the limitations of Autumn’s magic. “Day after tomorra, they be lookin.”
How does Hunter understand the limitations? Also, what are those limitations? Show us more. You’re mentioning more about Autumn’s magic, but I want to see it in action. How does Autumn cover up tracks? Does it take a lot of strength? Is it a trivial matter? What does the magic look like? Do the gnolls react to the magic? Do other creatures in the woods react?
Awesome feedback. I appreciate it. Thank you.