Sample Chapter Outline

Several critique partners have asked me to post a sample chapter outline so they can see what it looks like immediately before I am ready to begin transforming it into a first narrative draft.

I have posted a sample of Chapter 112 below. However, keep in mind that my outlining process is dynamic. It is constantly evolving. It is constantly being refined.

What you see below is a snapshot of how I am outlining chapters today. If you ask me the same question in six months, it may very well be different.

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Chapter 112 – PIETER’S PROPOSAL ↓*

* This down arrow indicates the general trend of the MAIN storyline. The storyline in this chapter is NOT the main storyline. This chapter is part of the antagonist’s arc. The downward trend of the main story line is the reverse of the trend in the antagonist’s arc. Since the antagonist’s fortunes are rising in this chapter, it means that the general trend in the hero’s story line is downward.

Storyline (for this chapter): The villain’s arc.

POV (for this chapter): Governor Pieter Ducot (antagonist)

The Three Os

Objective: 

• Pieter wants to form an alliance, through commerce or marriage, with Nastya in order to become a king on this continent.
• Pieter continues to wonder about Nastya’s true sex.

Obstacles: 

• Nastya doesn’t trust Pieter. 
• Fiendlings don’t engage in commerce. 
• Fiendlings don’t meddle in foreign politics. 
• Nastya prefers Pieter’s sister to him.

Outcome: 

• Pieter’s proposal to put Nastya in control of most of the world’s slaves appears to tempt her, which is a major victory for him.

What is this scene doing?

1. Is this scene moving the plot forward? 

Yes. The alliance with Nastya is Pieter’s primary goal. He has been after it for several chapters.

2. Is this scene building the world? 

Yes. Through Darjen’s advice to Pieter we learn a little more about fiendlings. We also learn a little more about Nastya’s personal history in her exchange with Pieter.

3. Is this scene demonstrating internal character?

Yes. We see that Pieter does not care about anything or anyone beyond his own obsessions. We see that Nastya sees the colony merely a source of slaves. She and Pieter appear to be a match.

4. Is this scene demonstrating external character change?

Pieter is an antagonist. His arc is tragic. So his character does not evolve. However his goals do. Pieter’s goals evolve in this chapter.

Author’s notes: 

• This chapter contains the only open door spice scene in the novel. The sexuality in this scene must be revealing (of character) but approachable — not alienating, not pornographic.
• This is a turning point for the antagonist. This scene must be convincing. 
• The relationships amongst the antagonists are full of intrigue, so the dialogue in this scene (beginning in the first narrative draft) has to be highly sub textual.

*****

Chapter Outline

It is a week after Incorporation Day. At Pieter’s request, Nastya has agreed to inspect the troops. Pieter has come to fetch her, hoping to pitch an alliance that will effectively make him the king of the new world.

Pieter appears at the dungeon door and knocks. The door is opened. The jailer is told to wait in the room at the top of the stairs. He objects, with respect, due to the fact that there are so many additional prisoners downstairs. Oh right, says Pieter. I forgot. Carry on.

Pieter descends the staircase. There is hooting and hollering from prisoners. Guards are yelling at them to be quiet. The tone of this dungeon visit is very different from past visits. 

Pieter passes his secret door and continues on. Pieter makes his way through the cells. The cells are packed. There are extra guards around. The word passes that the governor is coming. The place quiets. Guards and prisoners stand at attention. Many of the prisoners are wearing Company uniforms.

Pieter hears sounds of sexual activity. He wonders if this is the day that he finally learns Nastya’s sex. Prudie has been feeding him information about Nastya’s activities but clams up every time the subject of her sex is broached. When pressed, she says she doesn’t yet know.

As Pieter approaches the goliath’s cell, the sounds increase. He rounds a corner, he sees Darjen standing in a position that gives her an unobstructed view into the cell. She greets him. He joins her and turns to look into the cell. 

Where once there was only a cot, the cell has been lavishly decorated and upgraded with a large bed. Pieter sees Lydia having sex with the goliath. Nastya is standing nearby with exposed breasts issuing instructions. Pieter suddenly realizes there is a second woman tangled up with them. He realizes the second woman is Lydia. He then realizes that the first woman he saw with goliath is not Lydia, it actually his sister.

Startled, Pieter steps back around the corner out of sight.

Darjen follows him around the corner and warns him that his behaviour risks insulting Nastya. He demurs on account of his sister’s involvement. He is warned that Nastya won’t accept that as an excuse. Fiendlings demand an audience. If he wants to capture her heart, he should appreciate her art.

Darjen takes Pieter under her wing for the first time. She explains that she thinks he and Nastya would be good together. But Pieter needs to accept Nastya’s fiendling ways. 

Darjen pushes Pieter to watch because it will please Nastya. Pieter submits.

*****

Pieter is leaving the dungeon with Nastya. The cells are full. She asks why they are so full now compared to previous visits. He explains that it is retaliation for the deputies’ bad behavior on Incorporation Day. “We recalled the markers of some of the troublemakers. That will be enough to keep the others in line.”

On the way up to the walkway, Nastya asks what “markers” means. Pieter uses this as an opportunity to advance his objective — he brags to show her that he controls many slaves. 

Pieter describes how debt is used to enslave the deputies. We loan them money. They work it off by doing what we tell them. When they disobey, we lock them up so they can’t earn.

Pieter then talks about how the Company enslaves everyone in the colony in one way or another. They loan them money so that they are in debt the rest of their lives and then use the threat of prison and the wheel to control them.

Under his leadership, the government has withdrawn services and now provides almost nothing to the people – except loans.

Nastya asks why people would borrow and do this to themselves? 

Pieter explains. They all need money. They used to be independent people with independent incomes. We tricked people into trading their moderate incomes for exorbitant loans. Accepting this trade put them into indentured servitude. Now they do what the Company tells them.

Pieter further brags that the techniques that he and other colonial governors are developing are being considered for use back home.

At this point they arrive on the walkway and see the enormous army gathering to conquer Old Mill. Pieter brags about how many troops he will have. He describes this army as the seed of his grand army which will be used to conquer the entire continent.

Nastya seems impressed. She hints that, should he fulfill his promises, she might be a repeat customer. As an outer islander getting good quality slaves has always been her most challenging problem. 

Pieter offers to solve that problem. He pitches a partnership.

Nastya demurs because human slaves are too ugly and too moody. They are neither as happy as the haff-ra nor as beautiful as the goliaths. 

Pieter reveals his plan to conquer the continent and establish farms to breed both species. First, he will use an army of enslaved humans to destroy Elvenwood. Then, with the elves exterminated, their lands will be repopulated with haff-ra. Once the valley is under control, his army will move into the mountains to subjugate the goliaths. Both species will sign treaties to tithe their offspring — as the human residents of the valley do now.

Nastya: What about the humans who live in the colonies now? 

Pieter: We’ll make use of who we need and remove those we don’t. 

Nastya: I wish you good luck. I will be a customer when you accomplish this.

Pieter: You could be so much more than a customer.

Nastya: What are you proposing?

Pieter: An alliance.

Nastya: What shape would this alliance take?

Pieter: There are different ways we could do it. You could invest in the Company. Become a majority shareholder.

Nastya: It is an interesting idea but I don’t engage in commerce. 

Pieter is disappointed. “May I ask how you became a fiendling? What you did before the change, I mean.”

Nastya: It does not matter who I was before. All that matters is who I am now.

I only ask to know if you are familiar with the Company and the ways of my nation. 

Nastya: I am not from your homeland. I was born of a marooned crew. The change came to me as a child. I have lived my entire life as a fiendling. I have no experience as a human. 

Pieter: Another option would be to form an alliance through matrimony.

Nastya laughs. I have many husbands, Lord Wood-and-stone. They are rich and powerful. And everything they have is mine. Why would I want a pauper who rules a kingdom of trees?

Pieter counters. This continent has no king. As governor, I am the highest power. An alliance with me would put you in control of more than half of the enslaved individuals in the world and allow raids in the Free Lands. The other fiendling city states would have to get their slaves from you. You would keep the best and sell the rest.

Nastya: Ha. Your Company would declare war on me in a heartbeat.

Pieter: If I purchase the Company (using your money), we become the Company.

Nastya: I’m not interested in commerce.

Pieter: You don’t need to be. That is my job as your husband.

Nastya: The forest people (elves) will resist you. 

Pieter: A unified kingdom supported by the full resources of the Company would be unstoppable. 

Nastya: Laughs and gives him a new nickname. The Ambitious Lord Wood-and-Stone.

Nastya seems intrigued, but doubts he would pay the price of marriage. You would live a life of chastity while I am away. You would be locked up and supervised. You would not be allowed to touch yourself. You would get no relief. And the penalty for disobedience is quite severe: castration or death.

Pieter: I do.

Nastya: After our wedding night, you may never see me again. 

Pieter: I understand.

Nastya: Humans have such petty jealousies. I don’t know if I trust you. I doubt you could handle it. More than one of my human husbands have committed suicide when they realized I would never again share their bed. I’m better off to be a customer than to be married to you.

Will you at least consider it?

Nastya: I doubt it. 

*****

Pieter leaves. 

Lydia asks (in front of Prudence) if Nastya is seriously considering it. 

Nastya admits that the idea of controlling over half of the world’s slaves has some appeal.

Nastya confers with Prudence.

Nastya: Prudie. What do you think of your brother’s plans? 

Prudie: The company makes the king. Who owns the Company owns the world. 

Nastya: I am not interested in the bother of running an empire.

Prudie: Running the empire is the king’s job. The Company’s only concern is running the king. 

Nastya: Why wouldn’t I make you the king, Pruddie?

Prudie: I am a woman. Under our laws, I cannot rule.

Nastya: If I make you king, you make the laws.

Prudie: I am not interested. I want to leave this place.

Nastya: Would you stay here to keep an eye on your brother?

Prudie: I would kill myself first.

Nastya: What if I assign Lydia to watch over him? Would you stay with here Lydia?

Lydia: I would kill myself.

Prudie: My husband, Harry, would do it.

Nastya: Harry? No. I would kill myself before putting him in charge. It doesn’t matter. If Pieter wants to do it, he can do it.

Lydia: Are you seriously considering it?

Nastya: Fetch my matrimonial gurdy. (She says this fully aware that Prudence will alert her brother.)

Lydia: You are not marrying that damaged little minion.

Nastya: One more monster in my harem will not make a difference. Just fetch my matrimonial gurdy.