My students often hint at these things but are usually afraid to address them directly.
I am publishing this today so that I can share it with those who ask.
Here goes …
Most people understand that autism is a spectrum and that every autistic person is different.
So exactly where on the spectrum is Coach, they wonder. What triggers him?
My starting point for this conversation is 12 Things People with Autism Dislike which was originally published on the website Different Not Less.
So here they are …
Number 1 – Being Touched
Many autistic people dislike being touched. I am no different. I don’t mind a light touch on the shoulder or arm. I don’t mind fist bumps. I will shake hands with friends. I don’t mind brief contact with students for instructional purposes. But I draw the line at hugging. Hugging not only makes me uncomfortable it always sets up a future disappointment.
You have to understand that Coach is my mask. Coach is a character that I play for my students. He’s the kind of person that my students need me to be when they are in my classes. Coach is not Brent. Hugging Coach might seem appropriate because you appreciate Coach. But since I can’t separate Coach from Brent, I would prefer it if you didn’t hug Coach at all.
Number 2 – Loud Noises or Loud Music
Loud environments and loud people are challenging for me because they trigger migraines and shutdowns. In an environment like Cedarbrae where I am familiar with every sound, I can handle a lot more noise than I can in an unfamiliar environment. In a new restaurant, for example, the sound of a single machine can often ruin an entire meal. During lessons, I ask my students to keep chatter down, not just for me, but for everyone else in the lesson as well.
As for loud music, I love it — provided it’s my music.
Number 3 – Bright Lights
Again, I can handle more at Cedarbrae than almost anywhere else because I am familiar with the gym. However, unexpected combinations of lights, sounds, and smells cause me to be very careful about going to new places. In truth, smell is my biggest trigger of all. A bit of cologne or perfume on a student can trigger a silent panic attack that can last an entire lesson or longer.
Number 4 – Being Expected to do Something without Being Told
I am in my sixties now, so this is not as big of an issue as it was when I was young. But it can still be a problem. Please don’t expect me to read your mind and never assume that I will get your meta-messages or your social cues. It won’t always happen. If you want me to do something for you, put it in writing. Then be prepared to be interrogated about it. If it’s the kind of thing that I do over and over again for clients, no interrogation will follow. But if it’s something new, I may have a lot of questions.
Number 5 – Being Stared At
Bothers a lot of autistic people. Not me. Not in the least.
Number 6 – Being in a Crowded Place
This is a major trigger for me. The only way I can cope in an environment like this is if I have a job — such as coaching or emceeing. I have no trouble being in front of a crowd, but I dislike being part of one. Four or five people is my social limit.
Number 7 – Being Called a Retard or Weird
This is also not an issue for me. I frankly don’t care about the labels that people pin on me. I wish more people would take time to understand autism, but if they don’t that’s on them. Not me.
Number 8 – Having their Routine Changed
Nobody my age – autistic or otherwise — likes to have their routine changed. I am generally in control of my life. Nobody else can have a significant impact on my routine. So this is something my students don’t have to worry about.
Number 9 – Over Stimulating Environments and Sensory Overload
This is an issue for me in class from time to time. When it happens, I get very, very quiet. I experience an autistic shutdown, which is the completely invisible and internal version of an autistic meltdown. When this happens, nobody around me should take it personally. Nobody should judge me or assume I’m being a jerk. It’s an involuntary response to stimuli.
This is the reason I rarely play pickleball outside of lessons and why I keep my training groups small. It is the reason that I choose to train with people who moderate their volume levels appropriately. I hate it when somebody else’s noise triggers a shutdown and I get branded as “the problem.”
Number 10 – Having their Photograph Taken
Again. Bothers many autistic people. Doesn’t bother me.
Number 11 – Being Measured by the Same Yardstick
If you measure autistic people with the same yardstick you use to measure neurotypical people, then you are the one who is coming up short.
Example —
All autistic people struggle with emotional dysregulation. We can’t help it. It’s the defining characteristic of autism. This is why you should never, ever, ever, ever, raise your voice at an autistic person or blame them for being upset. This is something that autistic people are deeply ashamed of and do not want anybody else to witness.
Causing me to become emotionally dysregulated and then blaming me for acting emotionally dysregulated is the worst possible thing you can do to me.
If you yell at me (in person or by text), I will become dysregulated almost immediately. If you then trot my dysregulated emotional responses out in front of other people in order to show them how poorly I have treated you, I will never trust you again. From that moment forward I will consider you to be the most despicable type of person an autistic can encounter in life — and you will no longer be welcome in my world.
Number 12 – Being Approached by Strangers
Students are never strangers. So students do not have worry about this with me. However, this is a major issue for me out in the wild. I hate it so much I don’t even answer my phone. In my world, texts and emails are never interruptions but phone calls always are.
Finally – Interruptions and Equipment Issues
This is yet another thing I can’t help and I also can’t help but be ashamed of. I just can’t deal with interruptions, people moving my stuff, or people breaking my equipment. I wish I could. But I can’t. So please … don’t interrupt me while I am teaching, don’t move my hoppers, and please put the equipment away respectfully. Or better yet, let me do it myself. If you don’t you may see Coach acting like Brent — and nobody needs to see that.